Is it better to bite one’s tongue and let beef slide, or to confront a difficult situation. Difficult and spicy potatoes to ponder, and each situation will call for a different and delicate approach. One thing’s for certain though, is it’s never worth stressing the hell out for. Nothing is worth you carrying the unnecessary weight of ‘other people’s stuff’ at your own expense. “But they’re all up in my face, giving me beef, provoking me, being eye-rollingly tiresome…” (etc). So what the hell will we do about it?
“I will try to fix you”
Chris Martin’s dulcet tones ring out and convince us to wade in with our five kroner. But we don’t need to “fix” everything. It’s physically and emotionally draining. Be your truth, and yes, speak your truth, but be cautious of reacting for the sake of it. These “situations” can provide an opportunity to make space for ourselves as well as for “them”. That said, sidenote: i’m a big believer in (politely) speaking your truth, even if your voice shakes!
Crossing the Line
Being clear and having boundaries is a GOOD thing! Take our practice on the mat for example. We will sure as hell recognise where our boundaries are with particular postures, as our bodies will tell us so. It might be the breath, struggling and laboured (a no-no, darling), or perhaps that step too close to edge and our pain threshold reacts and warns us to back off. These protect us from hurting ourselves (should we choose to listen to these warnings!) and this is healthy.
Yeah yeah, that’s fair enough but in the “real” world…
OK, so there might be an impossible situation with another human that feels irresolvable. Take comfort, my love, for it’s never about you. Yet it’s all about you. Cryptic? I don’t mean to be. I just want to remind you that we’re each trying our best in this mad life, each with luggage and stuff, things we’re processing, different experiences in our days, our lives, that we might be bringing along in very ugly suitcases…and we may shove a bit of baggage over to someone else (who might not be up for carrying it).
The people that piss you off, irk you, challenge you, get on your last nerve, all of that, they’re just trying (yes, some in more ways than others!). It’s not an excuse for disrespectful behaviour, but they are still trying. Like you and me. Perhaps they aren’t even conscious of their behavior and its effect. Never mind that. You just carry on, minding your own business, making your way in the world, on your own path, with your own truth.
On the other hand, it’s all about you because these people/situations/things that challenge us give us the opportunity to work on ourselves for the better and work on the way we deal with difficult or challenging situations. At the very least they provide inspiration for blog posts! :)
Make space for it all. Choose space around those “difficult” things. Gather yourself. Get grounded. Breathe. Then consciously make your way forward, towards healing, for you and for them. Whether that situation calls for clarification. Or to get the hell out of there. And p.s. by choosing space over bombastic chaos for the sake of “one-upmanship” doesn’t make you a walkover. Let’s bring Mark into the picture:
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured” – Mark Twain
You don’t need to carry it and let it fester away, snowballing until one day it unravels (it has to go somewhere, right?). We have choices in every situation which presents itself to us. To react, loose it, to knee-jerk a response for the sake of having the last word. It’s in your hands (as Bjork would say...)
Ok, so how do i deal with that hot coal bubbling in my chest?
* Get grounded. Get into your body, with breath or by feeling your connection to the earth beneath. You’re all good.
* Deep breathing (you know that old saying: “take a breath. or take 10”. Try it.)
* Breath meditation (monitoring the consistency, texture and duration of the breath, making it even and smooth).
* Body scanning (looking for any areas of stress or tension on your inhale, then softening and relaxing the tightness with your exhale)
* Leaving the room (Just gracefully get the hell out of there)
* Staying in the room (Gracefully stay the hell in there whilst adding the following)
* Setting your boundaries.
* Being articulate.
* Taking a break (Again, just gracefully get the hell out of there and repeat earlier suggestions).
* There are ways of handling situations which don’t require you losing your shit. Keep hold of it, but use this as your opportunity to re-write the situation. It doesn’t have to be angry. Or reactive. Or catty. Or whingey. Or below the belt.
* Respect yourself (then play this to yourself in the space of your private venting abode- thanks Spelsip! : ) )
Let’s take a little moment to be grateful for all those people/situations and things that have ever challenged us. Made it excruciating. Awkward. Painful. Frustrating. Be thankful for it all, cause you’re even more experienced in this beautiful tapestry of life, in the ways through it and up out of it. They give us the opportunity to liberate ourselves from the drama, and to focus on our own growth. Know your limits. Get clear, get grounded, be cool and find fascination in the art of human behaviour. Fall in love with it more and more. Or at least find a way to say “wadæ” (whatever) and dance your way around it.
Here’s a playlist to play quite loudly to others, or in your own ears with headphones. I like practicing to it too, see how you feel eh lambchop?