It´s official. This week i´m biting the bullet.
For years i´ve put off doing it, as it´s made me cringe and whimper with equal measure.
I´ve fought it. Resisted. Avoided. Flirted with it. Then ignored it.
But the time has come. I have to jump and, ahem, just do it.
I´m going to record some yoga classes. Like on a tape. ..well, digital i guess. Real video things that other people will see.
What´s the big deal?
Many folks assume i´m an extrovert.
“You get up and teach in front of countless people all the time!”
But it´s different. In those moments, i´m like, in the moment. It´s never about me. I get to hold space for others who choose to take a chance and share their practice with me. I feel so lucky and honoured. I´m never thinking about what i look like when i´m up front or wherever - unless i pose a risk offering someone a bum sandwich when demoing something that might be bending over... Sorry to any offence caused.
See, being in the moment is so much easier because it´s just that. There´s nothing to worry about because worry is located in the past or the future. Presence means you´re right there, living.
Sidenote: that really helps me whenever i feel anxious tbh, focussing on the symptoms right now and seeing how things pass and change and always find a way to settle is hugely comforting!
It´s the digital legacy i´m worried about. Looking back on myself squirming and cringing and thinking “what the….?!” whilst also picking apart my appearance. It´s awful.
It´s vain too.
And i´ve got proof, some old babies lurking on various accounts.
I´ve never been comfortable in front of a camera. I´ve been told i´m the most unphotogenic person my university photography tutor ever met...Which of course makes selfies a pain in the neck. I don´t have natural poise or elegance. Or a go-to pose. Instead i gurn eagerly, which manifests in sometimes (often) looking like i´m in pain. Or it´s resting bitchface. *sigh*.
But it´s done. I´m booked in for a few days to focus on just that. Making yoga videos.
And it´s ok. Because you know what? As much as i pull weird faces when i talk (who knew?! And if so why didn't you tell me?!) i´m human. And real. A work in progress. And i can allow myself to *ahem* “make that change”. Like Michael. And the (wo)man in the mirror.
(hbd Mike...we miss you…)
So. If like me you´re crawling on the corridors of introversion, what to do? If you've got a dream yet you're shrouded in fear whilst simultaneously wanting to take a big leap, here are some things you could try::::
Translate fear into focus!
1. Start where you are with what you have.
Dream huge, then make strategic steps to get there that are chunkable. Chewable.
If that´s making it out of the house one day to go to the corner shop, then that´s a big step. Perhaps it´s picking up the phone to have that conversation. Go for it champ! Whatever feels managable, start with that.
2. Embrace who you are.
If that feels difficult, try to think about kind things others have said that have inspired you and spurred you on. Try not to dust it off as taking compliments can feel so awks. Instead sit with it. Let it sink in and appreciate that person for bothering to reach out. Send them some vibes, then let the cozy reciprocated feelings nestle in your belly. Your core - your centre of power! Fire up the cylinders and may that help you move forwards.
If you plead nil by compliment mouth, remember you are important (I wouldn´t bother writing to you if you weren´t tbh....) , and your existence is vital to this moment on this planet right now. Remember that, and that you deserve all the good things. Really.
3. Make it easeful, however you can.
If music makes you feel better, guzzle some. If it´s a walk in nature, make a point to fit it in before your big moment. If it´s hanging with dogs, well, you know...i wrote about this yesterday. You´re more likely to see and think more clearly if you have been topped up with good stuff.
...And if you´re too stressed/scared/busy to find ease, then i recommend taking twice as much time to do this!
4. Trick yourself into feeling confident!
I talk about this a lot with people. Often in situations that make us feel scared, we tend to bunch up and inhibit a small and curled in posture. Do the opposite! I often encourage people to “make themselves big” before job interviews, meetings or moments. Like a kitten! Go somewhere private like a toilet cubicle, then stand with your feet as wide as you can, reach your arms up and wide, open your mouth, spread wide and broad and big and breathe! You´ve got this!
5. Ultimately remember that you are you.
And that is your power. No one is just like you. It doesn´t mean you´re everybody´s cuppa (and that´s ay ok!), but it means that there is someone out there who will resonate with what you´re saying/doing. But ultimately, this is about you stepping forward, so let your leap come from that place.
Take your leap for yourself. You might land somewhere amazing - or lose your footing but that´s still growth and progress and will help you learn more about yourself and help you reach places you never knew existed! And who knows, maybe some day, this will be me!
Make that change…
Ever-rooting for you!
illustration by Jun Cen.